1. The New York Shock Exchange work closely (and share trainers and refs) with the Gotham Girls, who are only the best roller derby team in the whole entire WORLD. (I once danced with Suzy Hotrod at an afterparty and was close enough to Bonnie Thunders to sweat into her beer. They’re seriously amazing in person, ergo the men stack up, because such awesome ladies would not hang out with uncool people.)
2. Other things I could spend that £75 on include:
a) One slap up night out with my derby wife, complete with hangovers and regret.
b) Three sessions with a personal trainer who’s never heard of roller derby and thinks I skate round to cheesy music waving my arms.
c) Six new bout tee shirts to cut up and ruin with my derby stink.
d) Eight new wheels which may make me a better skater or may get consigned to the
pile of ‘seemed like a good idea’ along with the shiny pink leggings.
e) Twenty five pairs of Asda’s finest tights.
On reflection, that £75 is probably much better spent on a whole day of learning that I will carry with me for the rest of my derby career.
3. Part of my brain thinks I am nowhere near good enough to go to a boot camp run by these guys. Um, guess what? That’s what boot camps are for. LEARNING. It’s empowering to get in over my head and manage to get up off the bench and go back for more. Vivi Section from Circle City Derby Girls (Indianapolis, USA) sums up my reasons for wanting to get my ass handed to me perfectly: “Had I ever had the chance to be hit so hard and so expertly? No, I had not. Had I ever been in a rotation with a jammer who played at Nationals? No, I had not. Was I going to miss an opportunity, this unique chance to get my ass handed to me, to get beaten up by a blocker who operates in a higher stratosphere of jammer-killing than one I had yet encountered? No, I was not.”
4. I’m not worried about playing with guys. I’ve been hurt much worse by rookie players who went down like a shot deer in front of me than I ever have taking a huge hit from someone bigger than me. In fact, I really like playing with guys. I like that as someone who’s bigger than a lot of female derby players, I have to work not to get pushed around on the track. I like that my munchkin sized teammates can sail past terrifyingly giant men without being touched because they present a target zone that’s like three inches tall. I like the camaraderie and the thumbs up when I make a good hit and the fact that when we’re on the track, it doesn’t really matter who has boobs and who has balls, just that we all have skates on our feet and have a common goal.
5. I’m not sure if it’s cool to admit this, but I really get a kick out of schooling men on the track. I’d like to say it’s because I’m a feminist and I believe strongly in equality, but really it comes down to playground politics. Boys and girls aren’t supposed to fight, it’s not…nice. What’s really not nice is not letting consenting adults decide what they want to do. If I want to be hit by men, I’ll be hit by men (in a safe and controlled environment mediated by referees and the most complicated rule set known to mankind). They just better believe I’ll hit back, and in a much better way after I soak up all the learnings at this boot camp!
HE SAYS
My top 5 reasons to be absolutely gutted I can't attend the NYSE boot camp
By Station, aged 38 1∕6
1. I skated against Abe Drinkin at the Men's European Roller Derby Championships in July, and the way he pulled The Expendables together into a coherent, focused team still blows me away. A lot of these guys hadn't even met before the first day of bouts, but Abe had them all working together in both defence and offence as if they'd been playing together for years. That level of derby knowledge, coupled with the kind of confidence that permeates a lineup and gets people communicating and working to the same plan... I need to train with players of that standard and hope some of that experience rubs off.
2. Jonathan R and Ladies Knight - these guys have peerless technique, and the chance to learn from them would take my skating - particularly my jamming - up more than a notch or two. I train with some fantastic skaters, but our focus on tactics and gameplay doesn't leave a lot of time for a newer skater like me to refine my style and work past those bad habits I picked up along the way. An intensive session on jamming techniques and skills would hopefully see me dodging through and around walls, instead of relying on strength to try and blam my way through.
3. Our coach brings a seemingly constant supply of tactics to training, and we work on how to perfect those that work for us as a team, and how to respond to those that we might encounter on the track, but there's always room for new ideas - left-field thinking that shakes up your understanding of the game. Roller derby is still so new in the UK - were it a person, the men's game wouldn't be out of nappies yet - so the opportunity to train with coaches that have seen the tactics and rules evolve, who maybe have more insight than most into where the sport is going, is a huge opportunity to consolidate our understanding of where we are now, ready for the new rules in January.
4. As part of Manchester Roller Derby, I regularly train and scrim with the girls, but Booty highlighted one area where I really struggle - those tiny, high-velocity jammers that I just can't seem to out-manoeuvre. Sure, once their speed is gone I can hold them, but getting them stopped legally, that's hard, and I was looking forward to the chance to skate against the girls - both from MRD and other leagues - with input from these coaches, sharing their techniques for getting in low and legal, without low- or high-blocking. I know most leagues don't skate co-ed, but with small, agile jammers common in both the men's and women's game, and possibly becoming more so under the new ruleset, that's a skill upon which I'll be increasingly relying.
5. As a player, I don't watch the track during jams in which I'm not playing. Seriously - I'll get yelled at if I'm staring at the track instead of talking to my lineup about our plan for the next jam. And as fans, you're watching at least half of the action from the wrong side of the track, so the one thing I was looking forward to most about the bootcamp was being able to discuss, examine, and learn how the NYSE had played on the previous day: "you did X, show me why". You can see what they do on the archived footage, but learning about how they do it - what they're thinking about and the plan they're working to - takes your understanding of their play so much further.
So, yeah, I had a long list of skills and experience I was hoping to take away from the day, so I'm highly disappointed, and just hope that you get to take advantage of this unprecedented opportunity.
NYSE BOOT CAMP WILL BE HELD ON SUNDAY 18TH NOVEMBER. TICKETS HERE.
There is also a big important bout the day before, tickets and info here.
Help us raise the funds to send our team to play Dublin Roller Girls. Go on.
